"Both sets of eyes, though different far, hold many mysteries strange.
Impassively they watch the race of man decay and change.
Hatred burning bright in the brown eyes, with enemies for fuel,
Icy scorn glitters in the grey eyes, contemptuous and cruel."
Impassively they watch the race of man decay and change.
Hatred burning bright in the brown eyes, with enemies for fuel,
Icy scorn glitters in the grey eyes, contemptuous and cruel."
1953, Feb. 13 (Fri). "...Mother was not well so I got up and prepared Harry's breakfast and had my own..."
~Pauline Parker diary entry
1953, Feb. 22 (Sun). "...This evening after tea we decided to go to the beach. Mother and Nana did the dishes. Ron came with us. Ross was out to tea so naturally he did not come. We went to Brighton. Ron, Wendy and I went for a swim. Mother bought some chocolate and bicuits which we had in the car on the way home... A Man called to buy Ross's motor-bike."
~Pauline Parker diary entry
1953, Mar. 11 (Wed). "...Ross and John were home for dinner, to which Juliet came..."
(Juliet's first mention in Pauline's diaries).
~Pauline Parker diary entry
1953, Mar. 15 (Sun). "Mrs Hulme was very grateful for the cigarettes and kissed me twice..."
~Pauline Parker diary entry
1953, Mar. 18 (Wed). "We have decided how sad it is for other people that they cannot appreciate our genius. But we hope the book will help them to do so a little, though no one could fully appreciate us."
~Pauline Parker diary entry
1953, April 3 (Fri). "Today Juliet and I found the key to the 4th World. We realise now that we have had it in our posession for about 6 months but we only realized it on the day of the death of Christ. We saw a gateway through the clouds. We sat on the edge of the path and looked down the hill out over the bay. The island looked beautiful. The sea was blue. Everything was full of peace and bliss. We then realized we had the key. We now know that we are not genii, as we thought. We have an extra part of our brain which can appreciate the 4th World. Only about 10 people have it. When we die we will go to the 4th World, but meanwhile on two days every year we may use the key and look in to that beautiful world which we have been lucky enough to be allowed to know of, on this Day of Finding the Key to the Way through the Clouds." ~Pauline Parker diary entry
1953, April 23 (Thurs). "Mrs Hulme says she wished I was her daughter, too..."~Pauline Parker diary entry
1953, May 15 (Fri). "Mrs Hulme told me they had found out today that Juliet has tuberculosis on one lung. Poor Giulietta! It is only now I realise how fond I am of her. I nearly fainted when I heard. I had a terrible job not to cry. It would be wonderful if I could get tuberculosis, too." ~Pauline Parker diary entry
1953, May 29 (Fri). "...a girl who sat at the same table as us in a milkbar [said] how beautifully I spoke English, that I almost had an Oxford accent, what a refreshing change it was, and several other very pleasing things..." ~Pauline Parker diary entry
1953, June 14 (Sun). "Juliet and I decided the Christian religion had become too much of a farce and we decided to make up one of our own."
~Pauline Parker diary entry
1953, Sept. 9 (Wed). "It was wonderful returning with Juliet... it was as if she had never been away... I believe I could fall in love with Juliet."
~Pauline Parker diary entry
1953, late September, a Thursday. Pauline and Nicholas attempt to have sex but halt because it is too painful for Pauline.
~Medlicott's court statements.
1953, early October. "Nicholas was pleased that I was so early. We sat around and talked for an hour and then went to bed. I declined the invitation at first but he became very masterful and I had no option. I discovered that I had not lost my virginity on Thursday night. However, there is no doubt whatsoever that I have now."
~Pauline Parker diary entry
1953, Oct. 28 (Wed). (Juliet's Birthday) "...told Nicholas this evening that I was no longer very much in love with him because of my imaginary characters."
~Pauline Parker diary entry
1953, Nov. 2 (Mon). "To-day I felt thoroughly, utterly and completely depressed. I was in one of those moods in which committing suicide sounds heavenly."~Pauline Parker diary entry
1953, Dec. 14 (Mon). "I did not go to sleep last night, and I went to see Nicholas at 12:30. I was very tired and dozed off while I was there. Nevertheless I felt extremely tired this morning and work I would have considered dreadful had it not been that I was living in a daze waiting to see Pandora and the Flying Dutchman. Mother carted me off to see a doctor after work, which was a half-witted imbicile thing to do, especially as I feel perfectly well. The doctor was a bloody fool. I felt very tense and then we saw Pandora and the Flying Dutchman. It is the most perfect story I have ever known. The best picture (easily) that I have ever seen. Pandora is the most beautiful female imaginable and Him is far too wonderful to attempt to describe. I feel depressed and will probably cry tonight."~Pauline Parker diary entry
1953, Dec. 20 (Sun). "Mother woke me this morning and started lecturing me before I was properly awake, which I thought was somewhat unfair. She has brought up the worst possible threat now. She said that if my health did not improve I could never see the Hulmes again(...)The thought is too dreadful. Life would be unbearable without Deborah. ...I rang Deborah and told her of the threat. I wish I could die. That is not an idle or temporary impulse. I have decided over the last 2 or 3 weeks that it would be the best thing that could happen altogether, and the thought of death is not fearsome."
~Pauline Parker diary entry
1954, Dec. 24 (Thurs). Parker records on December 24, 1953 that she does not feel very Christmassy. Source is Medlicott's testimony.
1954, Jan. 1 (Fri). "I rose at about 9 this morning, and spent until 2 working very hard helping mother." "My New Year resolution is a far more selfish one than last year, so there is more probability of my keeping it. It is to make my motto 'Eat drink and be merry for to-morrow you may be dead.'"
~Pauline Parker diary entry
1954, Jan. 25 (Mon). "This morning Mother gave me the most fearsome lecture because I started to wash the kitchen floor in my house coat."
~Pauline Parker diary entry
1954, Jan. 29 (Fri). "I went over to Deborah's room early this morning about 7:30. It suddenly occurred to me that we had not celebrated He's day so we decided to today. In He's honour we ate some birthday cake, drank He's health, played all He's records and made a little edifice of He. We have shifted His to the Gods now. We worked out how much prostitutes would earn and how much we would make in such a profession and 'should' gradually changed to 'shall.' We have spent a really wonderful day messing around and talking over how much fun we will have in our profession. We have worked out some glorious plans and worked out a whole new family for our future."
~Pauline Parker diary entry
1954, Feb. 13 (Sat). "As usual I woke at 5 and managed to write a considerable amount. I felt depressed at the thought of the day. There seemed to be no possibility of Mother relenting and allowing me to go out to Ilam. This afternoon Mother told me I could not go out to Ilam again until I was eight stone and more cheerful. As I am now seven stone there is little hope. Also one cannot help recalling that she was the same over Nicholas. She said I could not see him again until my behaviour improved, and when it did she concluded it was not having his influence that caused it. She is most unreasonable. I also overheard her making insulting remarks about Mrs Hulme while I was ringing this afternoon. I was livid. I am very glad because [the] Hulmes sympathise with me and it is nice to feel that adults realise what Mother is. Dr Hulme is going to do something about it I think. Why could not Mother die? Dozens of people are dying all the time, thousands, so why not Mother and Father too? Life is very hard."
~Pauline Parker diary entry
1954, April 17 (Sat). "Mrs Hulme was perfectly beastly to Deborah. She made her apologise for taking a record from Mr Perry's flat. This made us feel very cross and childish in a sort of I'll-show- them-so-there-and-that-will-make-'em-sorry feeling. We went for a walk in a field and sat on a log, shouting nasty jeering remarks to every rider that passed. About fifty did. This cheered us greatly, and we came back and wrote out all the Commandments so that we can break them."
~Pauline Parker diary entry
1954, April 28 (Wed). "I felt rather tired to-day, but fortunately the time at Digby's went rather quickly. Mother went out this afternoon so Deborah and I bathed for some time. However I felt thoroughly depressed afterwards--and even quite seriously considered committing suicide. Life seemed so much not worth the living and death such an easy way out. Anger against Mother boiled up inside me, as it is she who is one of the main obstacles in my path. Suddenly a means of ridding myself of this obstacle occurred to me. If she were to die..."
~Pauline Parker diary entry
1954, April 29 (Thurs). "I did not tell Deborah of my plans for removing Mother. I have made no definite plans yet as the last fate I wish to meet is one in Borstal. I am trying to think of some way. I do not want to go to too much trouble, but I want it to appear either a natural or an accidental death."
~Pauline Parker diary entry
1954, May 1 (Sat). "[Mrs Hulme] made a lovely remark. She said Won't it be wonderful when we are all back in England. Do you think you will like England Gina. I was delighted. ... We did not sleep together as we were afraid Dr Hulme might come in."
~Pauline Parker diary entry
1954, June 6 (Sun). "...We went to sleep at 4:30 tomorrow morning after talking all night. We were discussing at first how we sometimes had a strange feeling that we had done what we were doing before. We realized why this was, and why Deborah and I have such extraordinary telepathy, and why people treat us and look at us the way they do, and why we behave as we do. It is because we are MAD. We are both stark, staring, raving mad. There is definitely no doubt about it and we are thrilled by the thought."
~Pauline Parker diary entry
1954, June 10 (Thurs). "Mrs Hulme has told Deborah a great deal about the old subject and we have discussed it fully. We know a great deal more now." (Other entries suggest the the 'old subject' refers to sex.) "...I am feeling particularly close to Deborah."
~Pauline Parker diary entry
1954, June 11 (Fri). "...we were then driven out to see It in 'Trents Last Case.' It was the first time I had ever seen It. Deborah had always told me how hideous he was, and I had believed her, though from his photos he did not look too bad. 'It' is appalling. He is dreadful. I have never in my life seen anything that, so... in the same category of hideousness, but I adore him (S'queer). We returned home and talked for some time about It, getting ourselves more and more excited. Eventually we enacted how each Saint would make love in bed, only doing the first seven as it was 7:30 a.m. by then. We felt exhausted and very satisfied..."
~Pauline Parker diary entry
1954, June 16 (Wed). "...We came to bed late and spent a very hectic night. It was wonderful. We only did 10 Saints altogether but we did them thoroughly. I prefer doing longer ones. We enjoyed ourselves greatly and intend to do so again. We did not get to sleep until about 5:30."
~Pauline Parker diary entry
1954, June 19 (Sat). "We practically finished our books to-day and our main idea for the day was to moider Mother. This notion is not a new one, but this time it is a definite plan which we intend to carry out. We have worked it out carefully and are both thrilled by the idea. Naturally we feel a trifle nervous, but the pleasure of anticipation is great. I shall not write the plan down here as I shall write it up when we carry it out (I hope). We both spent last night and the one before having a simply wonderful time in every possible way. We also planned a few odd pictures and recast most of the "Saints' Christmas." We burnt all our film books this evening."
~Pauline Parker diary entry
1954, June 21 (Mon). "I rose late and helped Mother vigorously this morning. Deborah rang and we decided to use a rock in a stocking rather than a sand-bag. We discussed the moider fully. I feel very keyed up, as though I were plan ning a surprise party. Mother has fallen in with everything beautifully and the happy event is to take place tomorrow afternoon. So next time I write in this diary Mother will be dead . How odd -- yet how pleasing.
~Pauline Parker diary entry
1954, June 22 (Tues). "The Day of The Happy Event."
"I am writing a little of this up in the morning before the death. I felt very excited and 'The night before Christmas ish' last night. I did not have pleasant dreams though. I am about to rise."
~Pauline Parker diary entry
During her interrogation at the police station, a piece of paper was confiscated from Pauline. Later, during a subsequent interrogation session, she grabbed it and threw it into the fire. It was only partly recovered. Courtroom speculation was that Pauline intended to put the piece of paper into her diary later that day. She herself never made a public statement about the paper. It was enormously important in terms of defining the course of the investigation, of course. On it had been written the following:
The detective stated that the note commenced with a reference to Pauline finding herself in an unexpected place. She then made reference to having committed her 'moider'. She then went on to write about the treatment she had received: "All the Hulmes have been wonderfully kind and sympathetic. Anyone would think I've been good. I've had a pleasant time with the police talking 19 to the dozen and behaving as though I hadn't a care in the world." There were then several sentences he couldn't remember but the final sentence was: "I haven't had a chance to talk to Deborah properly but I am taking the blame for everything." [Medlicott]